North Korea Is Just Beside Itself

Soooo, Kim Jong Il, erstwhile leader of the NPRK, has died of 'fatigue'. He will be best remembered for his small role in this movie...



     ... and for being the greatest golfer the world has ever seen:

An avid golfer, Kim reportedly picked up a golf club in 1994 and shot a 38-under par on a regulation 18-hole golf course -- including no fewer than 11 holes in one. This would have put the increasingly frail Kim head and shoulders above the world's best, if the state media reports about Kim's game were to be believed.

Here's What Happens If You Bet AGAINST The Broncos

You have to get a tattoo like this guy.

    Soooo, Tim Tebow... What's he done that's so great? Just this:

Seriously, at this point Tim Tebow has morphed from human debate topic to full-blown football wizard, able to conjure some sort of voodoo magic only when it is needed most. Let’s take a look at Denver’s last seven games, shall we?

• Oct. 23 at Miami: Brought on in relief, Tebow is 4-of-14 for 40 yards — and Miami fans are mockingly chanting his name — when he engineers the first comeback from a 15-point deficit in the final three minutes of a game since the 1970 merger. On drives of 80 and 56 yards, he accounts for all but four yards. Denver recovers a fumble in overtime and wins 18-15.

• Oct. 30 at Detroit: Tebow is awful, is mocked by two different Lions during the game — one, linebacker Stephen Tulloch, adopts Tebow’s signature prayer pose after a sack. As Detroit is now a burgeoning cinematic villain (see below), this will serve as the part of the movie where he is humbled.

• Nov. 6 at Oakland: Running a version of the option, Denver rushes for 298 yards, while Tebow throws for just 124 yards but also two touchdowns.

• Nov. 13 at Kansas City: Tebow completes just two of eight passes, but one of them is a 56-yard touchdown with 6:44 left that provides the margin of victory in a 17-10 win. He runs for Denver’s other touchdown.

• Nov. 17 vs. N.Y. Jets: Tebow is 6-for-15 for 69 yards when he gets the ball with 5:54 left. He leads a 96-yard drive that lasts nearly five minutes, capped by a 20-yard Tebow run with 58 seconds left. Denver wins 17-13. Tebow accounts for all but three yards on the drive. Tebow! Tebow!

• Nov. 27 at San Diego: Tebow goes 9-for-18 for 143 yards, and after San Diego’s Nick Novak missed a 53-yarder in overtime, Willis McGahee busts out for a 24-yard run, and the Broncos win on a field goal of their own.

• Dec. 4 at Minnesota: Tebow throws for a career-best 202 yards, actually, but Denver is down 29-21 with 9:41 left. In the last 3:06 Tebow leads a 60-yard drive, and Minnesota’s quarterback throws an interception that gets returned to the Vikings 15. Denver wins 35-32 on a field goal as time expires. Five straight victories. Tebow.

      Seriously, if he sucks so much, why can't anybody stop him? See you in the playoffs, faggots.

Bet On The Broncos

  

       Holy shit! Denver is only paying out at 30 to 1 to win the Superbowl. Thats down from 200 to 1 (!) three weeks ago. They're still gettin gypped (gipped? jipped? idk), though, because this puts them on par with the Jets or the Raiders, both teams we have beaten recently. They are really a 20 or 15 to 1 at this point, and therefore a bargain bet. Btw, odds for defensive rookie of the year award for Von Miller are at 11/2, best in class.

Wu Tang Clan Ain't Nothin' To Fuck With

See Ya, Fuckhead

Serious Fucking Business

Apparently, Herman Cain's Tastes Run White, Dumpy, And Middle Aged

     Meet Ginger White, Herman Cain's girlfriend of thirteen years...



Yikes!!!!1111

    I thought CEOs went out with, like, Victoria's Secret supermodels and shit. This is not the case.



Singin' With Cleverbot

Happy Sunday

...And Then There Was Chaos

    The Eurozone is well and truly fucked. Check this shit out, from Daily Beast:

German Bond Sale Called ‘Disastrous’


Economists worried Wednesday that a “disastrous” German bond sale could mean that country would be the next to tumble in the euro-zone debt crisis. The implications of a threat to the German economy—the euro zone’s largest—have many wondering if the euro zone in its current form could survive the mushrooming debt crisis. “It is a complete and utter disaster,” said economist Marc Ostwald. The German treasury could only sell about two thirds of the $8.1 billion in 10-year bonds, and the new bond promised to pay out a 2 percent interest rate—the lowest ever on an issue of 10-year German bonds. Wall Street closed down before the Thanksgiving holiday on not only the news out of Germany, but also that Belgium is leaning heavily on France to pay off its debts and worries over Chinese factories.

    GERMANY? Oh, man. That's not Greece or Portugal. Thats the world's fourth largest economy and by far the biggest one in Europe. They are the ones underwriting everyone else's mountainous bailouts.What happens if the Eurozone is rent asunder by their inability to not fuck things up? Don't worry, I googled it. First check this out, it's a graph of budget surplus/shortfall over the last decade...

Nice one, Ireland

   Now look at this graph from 2010, which basically shows that they just borrowed the difference form surplus to shortfall from the public sector...

     Not a pretty picture. I'm still convinced that the U.S. will handle it's debt load one way or another, if for no other reason than that our GDP is three times the size of the entire Eurozone's put together and we can still afford it. But it's a cautionary tale, nonetheless, and it will probabaly spell the end of the Europen Union. And what happens if the Union dissolves? From the looks of it, not much. Most countries will be better off, it seems. I guess we'll wait and see.

I Find This Somewhat Difficult To Masturbate To

Watch as a japanese robot gives birth to a japanese robot. I find the moaning particularly moving.

Bill O'Reilly Looks Like Emperor Palpatine Now

"Feeeeellll  the hatred coming from within you, Luke"

  
     Oh, and also, the Ford Theatre won't carry his book in their bookstore because it is completely filled with nothing but total bullshit. From Salon:

A reviewer for the official National Park Service bookstore at Ford’s Theatre has recommended that Bill O’Reilly’s bestselling new book about the Lincoln assassination not be sold at the historic site “because of the lack of documentation and the factual errors within the publication.”

Rae Emerson, deputy superintendent at Ford’s Theatre, which is a national historic site under the jurisdiction of the National Park Service, has penned a scathing appraisal of O’Reilly’s “Killing Lincoln: The Shocking Assassination that Changed America Forever.” In Emerson’s official review, which I’ve pasted below, she spends four pages correcting passages from O’Reilly’s book before recommending that it not be offered for sale at Ford’s Theatre because it is not up to quality standards.

The corrections list seriously goes on forever. That's why I pasted the link. The TL;DR? Bill O'Reilly is a semiliterate fucktard.

This Fuckin' Guy Wants To Be President

Whatever You Do, Don't Protest High College Costs

     Why did these cops just start randomly beating the piss out of these students who were peacefully protesting rising college tuitions at Cal-Berkeley? (Berkley?Berkelly?Whatever). Doesn't look good...

I'm Baaaaaack

12 Years Of Karate Finally Pays Off

The New Avengers Trailer

Just came out today...




     Looks pretty fucking awesome, amirite? Unfortunately, it's not out until May, but it's directed by Josh Wheeden of Firefly fame. Dope.

Some Useful Facts

Lair Of The Kraken Discovered. Seriously.

 

   Fuck yeah! The Kraken was real. Check this shit out:

A giant sea monster, the likes of the mythological kraken, may have swum Earth's ancient oceans, snagging what was thought to be the sea's top predators — school bus-size ichthyosaurs with fearsome teeth.

The kraken, which would've been nearly 100 feet (30 meters) long, or twice the size of the colossal squid, Mesonychoteuthis, likely drowned or broke the necks of the ichthyosaurs before dragging the corpses to its lair, akin to an octopus's midden, according to study researcher Mark McMenamin, a paleontologist at Mount Holyoke College in Massachusetts.

Evidence for the kraken and its gruesome attacks comes from markings on the bones of the remains of nine 45-foot (14 meter) ichthyosaurs of the species Shonisaurus popularis, which lived during the Triassic, a period that lasted from 248 million to 206 million years ago. The beasts were the Triassic version of today's predatory giant squid-eating sperm whales.

     Ok, now it gets downright weird...

"I was aware that anytime there is controversy about depth, there is probably something interesting going on," McMenamin said. And when he and his daughter arrived at the park, they were struck by the remains' strangeness, particularly "a very odd configuration of bones."

A giant sea monster, the likes of the mythological kraken, may have taken out ichthyosaurs the size of school buses, arranging their vertebrae in curious linear patterns with nearly geometric patterns.

The etching on the bones suggested the shonisaurs were not all killed and buried at the same time, he said. It also looked like the bones had been purposefully rearranged, likely carried to the "kraken's lair" after they had been killed. A similar behavior has been seen in modern octopus.

   
     So the Kraken liked to decorate. Maybe Paula Dean is a fuckin' Kraken. Ever think of that?

Ron Paul OBVIOUSLY Cheated

     Are you one of those people that thinks Ron Paul might be getting the shaft in the newsmedia and from other Republicans (I am one of those, although I disagree with at least half the batshit stuff he says, I think we should be fair)? Check this out, from CBS news:

Rep. Ron Paul scored a decisive victory Saturday in a mock presidential election at the Values Voter Summit, trouncing fellow Texan, Gov. Rick Perry, but an organizer of the straw poll suggested ballot-stuffing may have skewed the results.

In a press conference following the announcement of the straw poll results at the annual Washington gathering of social conservatives, Family Research Council President Tony Perkins all but dismissed the results as irrelevant, citing 600 people who registered Saturday morning and, he said, "left after Ron Paul spoke."

A total of 1,983 ballots were cast. "You do the math," Perkins said.

A year ago in the same contest, Paul came in second-to-last. Speaking briefly with reporters before the straw poll results were announced, the Republican lawmaker said, "If I win, it wouldn't be as important to the media than if I lose."

     I love how that Perkins guy gets all catty at the end with that "you do the math" shit. Dude, if Republicans could do fucking math, then supply-side economics would not exist.