The participants in tomorrow night's first Republican Presidential Debate sponsored by Fox News, have been determined: Herman Cain, Tim Pawlenty, Gary Johnson, Rick Santorum, and Ron Paul. Apparently the Rentistoodamnhigh Guy either was not available or was not considered for invitation based on his appearing so well-spoken, charismatic, and presidential when compared to rest of the field that it is assumed he would just automatically win. Seriously, two of these guys I just heard of right now, two others I barely heard of, and the last one is Rand Paul's dad. Just for lulz I'll look them all up for you...
- Hermain Cain - Black fella. Went to Purdue. Former CEO of Godfather's Pizza, which supposedly qualifies him for something. Oh yeah, and by the way, I was just wondering when the last time you ate at a Godfather's Pizza was? Exactly. Now just cross apply that phenomenon to "America".
- Gary Johnson - Would be the first ever President with middle name 'Earl'. Triathelete former governor of New Mexico. Tea Party's first candidate, unless you count RP. Wants to legalize weed, which is good, wants to dismantle the rest of the Fed as well, which is bad.
- Rick Santorum - World's Most Famous Google Bomb Victim. Lol.
- Tim Pawlenty - Vanilla-flavored mayonnaise on white bread. So Booooring. Only interesting thing this former Gov. of Minnesota ever did was serve as Sarah Palin's welcome mat to the national stage.
- Ron Paul - Doctor from Texas who cannot afford a last name. Libertarian Objectivist Fuckwad. Why Fuckwad, you ask? Because all this guy does all day is write spurious legislation (abolish Fed reserve, end income tax, etc.) which then in turn has to go to committee, which wastes more of congresses precious time they could be spending debating something not stupid. Thats why Fuckwad.
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