For The Love Of God, Keep Your Child Off Of The Internet

In my ongoing series studying the effect of the Tubes on children, I will now relate the cautionary tale of Angry Homo Kid. AHK, or Scott Parsons, as this poor bastard is known in real life, got himself memed out by the heartless (and fiercely proud of it) sons-a-bitches of Anonymous. Scottie made three terrible mistakes that brought all this upon himself:

1. He decided to have an opinion about something (in this case Gay Marriage, obviously a topic he is qualified to expound upon, since he is 12) and assumed that it was valid and that people would care about it
2. He uploaded said ill-formed opinion onto YouTube
3. He had the temerity to respond to the trolling, which is exactly what they want/expect

The boring original video has been removed in an attempt to defame himself a little bit, but here is Scottie's response to the (semi-legitimate) haters:



Oh, boy. It actually gets worse. If you want to see the whole drama play out check out ChristianUtubur's channel on YouTube. His account was long ago deleted but will live forever thanks to all the mirrors.

How do you keep your child from becoming a lolcow? Closely monitor their internet usage! The webs are no place for the emotionally underdeveloped! And if you factor in the pedophiles and all the pr0n, it's just really no place for kids. Ignore my advice and pay the consequences. Look what they did to this dude...

Little Kids Trying To Be Sexy -- Cute Or Not Cute?

CUTE:



NOT CUTE:

Apparently, Child Protective Services Does Not Exist In England

The Sun, some newspaper in England, does this to their photos so that they can sue us someday

*UPDATED*

Meet 8 year old Britney from the UK. She is the one on the right. Notice her sultry, pouty, come hither lips? Her smooth, wrinkle-less 8 year old skin? That's botox baby. Oh yeah. Check this shit out...

Once every three months, Britney climbs on a beautician's table and watches as mum Kerry prepares needles of Botox and fillers to be injected into her face.

Beautician Kerry, 34, from Birmingham, buys the substances online and injects them into her daughter's forehead, lips and around her eyes.

She says: "What I am doing for Britney now will help her become a star."

Oh, but that's not all...

Is It OK To Make Fun Of Children?

Well, dear readers, I'm not really sure, but it sort of feels wrong, so I'm gonna answer with the big NO and the little (yes) right behind it. Essentially what's happening here is that an LA (of course) based recording company called ARK music is exploiting tweeny little girls with autotuned pop songs in an effort to replicate the Bieber Phenomena. For those of you unfamiliar, androgynous music sensation Justin Bieber basically youtubed his way to superstardom in this manner, although, to his credit, his mindless drivel masquerading as 'lyrics' was never actually autotuned. So good job there, Biebs. At any rate, now the Interwebs are now being inundated with music videos of songs that are hysterically bad. Which brings me back to my original point. If these 'artists' were over 18, criticizing them would not only be legitimate, it would almost be the duty of all of us to mock them into extinction. But since it's kids, maybe we should cut them a little slack? I mean, if you saw a little kid with a lemonade stand, and you went up to him and asked him how much gross profit his business is yielding and he responds "I made 15 cents today!" and you responded by laughing your ass off, that's not okay, right? That's where the big NO comes in. He's cute for trying. The small (yes) comes in when you realize that these shallow, adorable little girls are part of a corporate effort to separate your family from it's money via your tweenage daughter, who probably already has a 'My Jeans' poster on her wall. So, shame on you ARK music for being such obvious cheap-ass hustlers and crapsmiths and for forcing me into a moral quandry. And for making me hear this.