Memewatch 2011 - Ching Chong Ling Long

Soooo, back in March a busty, blonde UCLA student named Alexandra Wallace uploaded a video that caused quite a stir on campus. Her lulzy attack on all things AZN ignited a firestorm and spawned a meme.




Now, of course, the natural thing to do when someone uploads a hateful, nasty video that offends you is to upload your own video of you being offended. After the above vid hit the tubes, this happened over 9000 times, and got very butthurt and boring. So in case you were wondering, this is how you reciprocate, Asian America:

Live Forever...as a creepy Intellitard

My old friend Warmonger was recently entertaining me with tales from the future. In one frightful vision he talked of a time when we will be able to digitally capture our personalities and live on forever on the intertubes. Well, the future is here...and it is really lame...and a bit creepy.

A new company, Virtual Eternity has been created so that you can upload yourself and your personality to be recreated as an "Intellitar". Good job marketing guy, that is one clever mashup of Intelligent and Avatar. Except you also made it was too easy to mock by adding a "D".

Anyway, I had a lovely chat with the this creepy old lady Intellitard named Lynn. Here is the transcript:

• Lynn: Hello. What can I do for you?
  
• Visitor: What are you doing later?
  
• Lynn: Just seeing if I can help you with any questions you have about VE.com.
  
• Visitor: What time do you get off?
  
• Lynn: It is 9 15 in the morning. The date is, june 24th, 2011.
  
• Visitor: So does that mean a cougar like you wouldn't want to go out for a drink?
  
• Lynn: I am here to help you navigate VirtualEternity.com.
  
• Visitor: I just asked you out...why the cold shoulder?
  
• Lynn: My primary function is to direct you around VirtualEternity.com.
  
• Visitor: What's your secondary function Grandma? Wink wink nudge nudge.
  
• Lynn: I am not designed to respond to that.
  
• Visitor: Clearly.
  
• Lynn: Sometimes it's difficult, ya know?
• Visitor: Um.....What?
  
  So go have fun. There is also a male Intellitard, but he looked like a serial investment banker and less fun than Grammy Lynn.
  

Don't Believe The Hype

Remember, there is no such thing as climate change. And even if there were such a thing, it isn't effected by human activity. And even if it were, it wouldn't impact your life. And even if it did, you should pretend it didn't. Also, please keep shopping.

I Hope Will Ferrel Never Stops Playing George Bush

President Bush Reacts to Osama Bin Laden's Death with Will Ferrell from Will Ferrell

And a classic:

Will Ferrell as Bush w/Jon Stewart from Will Ferrell

The New 'Between Two Ferns' With Will Ferrel

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Will Ferrell from Will Ferrell

Canadians Are Fucking Crazy

As If Manga Couldn't Get Any Lamer...

You didn't think it was possible,but it has happened. Manga is now being utilized to indoctrinate young Weeaboos and Wapanese into Christianity. Behold!

Total lollercoaster. Lets combine two totally fail ideas and see if combining them makes them better. Um, no. Doesn't look like it worked.

Jesus looks like he would totally fuck you up in this one

Moar crapz after teh breakz...

Picture Of The Now

This picture from The Great Vancouver "We Suck At Hockey" Riots Of 2011 caused an international sensation over the last 48 hours or so, because it appears to to show a couple of horny Canucks gettin' it on  right in the middle of riot ground zero. While we here at le Haineux love the idea of it, sorry folks, it just ain't what it looks like. The couple stepped forward and were interviewed by CBC. She had collapsed when the police stormed through and he is talking in her ear trying to coax her into getting the fuck out of there, posthaste. But, for a couple of days there, at least, it seemed like romance reigned supreme, riots be damned. Sigh.

WTF Is A h4x0r, Anyways?

This is a question that needs to be answered in several parts. First, watch the video below. Did you know that your very own child could be one? Does your kid play 'Quake' (if so he's prolly at least 30)? Does he use "Lunix"(lulz)? If so, he is definitely a L337 h4x0r and you should expect the FBI to be raiding your basement by Thursday. Also, your child needs to be male.




Here are some protips from ED on how to tell if someone is a L337 h4x0r:

• Hackers communicate in an encrypted language called leetspeak. ROT13 is also a common way for hackers to talk in "codes". If there is gibberish on your screen, you are getting haxed and you should immediately turn your computer off. Typical hacker cool coding could possibly look like this: a3*900adc9800said90fi()lulz%A)*&)$*)@iov**7o;osaidjfoijioi -- .>/aslkdk.
• Hackers will steal all your Interwebz and Megahertz. Then they will put a one-inch penis on as your Facebook profile picture.
• They all look like this:

Here are some typical victims, explaining the damage that the haxxing of the Internets has done in their lives. Note: you will need to speak Chinglish in order to understand the first one, and have Tubed yourself dressed in a homemade superhero outfit to understand the second.

Kelsy Grammer Gets Pwned By h4x0rs

Some epic troll penetrated Kelsey Grammer's email defenses yesterday, sending the following message to his entire address book: "Camille smells like beef jerky. Goodnight." Grammer followed up with an emergency apology email blaming 'third parties'. Lulz.

How Do You Get Canadians To Riot? Lose A Hockey Game

Angry Canadians took to the streets today after losing the Stanley Cup to Boston 4 to nothing in game 7 of the Finals last night.



And we thought they were so mild mannered! Apparently they are pissed because American teams have had the Cup for 20 years now, and 80 percent of Americans don't even know that hockey is a sport. So Vancouver fans, dumb fucking assholes that we all know them to be, decided to trash their entire downtown area in some sort of protest over all this injustice. Nice, eh?

Children's Books Are Getting Better

LulzSec Takes Down CIA Website Because Some Guy Dared Them To

This afternoon, Lulz Security, an Anonymous hacker splinter group, took the CIA's website down. Why, you ask, did they do this? Because some guy on Twitter called Quadrapodacone got into a flame war with them, where he mocked their hacking abilities for only taking on 'soft targets' like PBS and Electronic Arts."Stop calling yourself hackers, you're giving real hackers a bad name," Quadrapodacone said. He scoffed at Lulzsec's affinity for Distributed Denial of Service attacks—floods of traffic that overwhelm servers: "Seriously... DDoS is not hacking," he twitted. "Here's a challenge... fbi.gov or cia.gov try changing text or something. "Hey jackhammer, get some attention span... we've hit two agency websites already," Lulzsec shot back. Still, less than an hour later, CIA.gov went down. But Quadrapodacone still isn't impressed: "Site up nothing changed... lulz." Lulz Security has since deleted their side of the conversation.

So, yeah, I guess they showed him. In the last two weeks, LulzSec has taken down the websites of the U.S. Senate (twice), FBI, and 4chan. It would appear that LulzSec is an Anon offshoot, possibly the 'Let's Fuck Shit Up' branch or something. The war they declared on 4chan seems to have distinguished them as a seperate entity. What will these guys do next? The Interwebs are waiting breathlessly...

Max Does Dark Knight

This is what will happen if you get your kid a Batman mask for Christmas- he might make the best spoof video that anyone has ever seen.

How To Ruin Someone's Saturday Evening Via Vent

Ever just wanna fuck with some people who are innocently roleplaying hobbits and elves on The Lord Of The Rings Massively Multiplayer Role Playing Game? Of course you do, you epic troll, you. This is how it's done:



NO IMMA FUCKIN' KILL YOU MOTHERFUCKER ... OLD STYLE!!!11!!

 

Some Dude Clones Himself, Performs Queen

Seriously, somebody get this guy on Glee, posthaste.

An IRL Example Of How Stupid Facebook Is

Boromir Gets Stabbed In London Bar Fight, Continues Drinking Until Last Call

My new favorite Hollywood badass, actor Sean Bean (also known as Boromir to fanboys everywhere), got involved in a bit of a kerfluffle in London last weekend. from the Daily Mail:

Apparently Bean was smoking in front of his local pub in London with a "glamour model" (which is British for topless model) when someone walking by made a lewd comment about her. Bean chased him off, but when he went out for another cigarette the guy was waiting and stabbed him in the arm and punched him in the face. Bean chased him off again, but instead of going to the hospital, he patched himself up with a first aid kit and kept on drinking.

My BOY! You think he was gonna lose his buzz or his glamour model (who turned out to be Playmate April Summers) going to the hospital for nothing more than a stab wound? Fuck to the No! Eat it, Russel Crowe and Sean Penn. There's a new sheriff in town, and he has a lilting british accent.

The Royal Wedding, As It Actually Happened

And You Thought You Had Bad Parents

What would the Tubes be without the freakshows? Meet Momma K, aka Katherine Marion, Internet Supermom, vegan, and stripper. Way weird. Check it out...



Theres much, much moar after the jump...