The Internet Is Made Of Cats

Here is the proof:

Oh Noes! Internet Superhero Chris Hansen Gets Caught Cheating!

Pedobear finally gets his revenge

Chris Hansen has been caught sexing it up with some Florida skank! And not with a 13 year old that he met on the Internetz, 'cause that would just be too perfect. Yes, it's true, and if le Haineux is your only source of news, then you heard it here first; Chris Hansen, star of the Internet's favorite television show, To Catch A Predator, got himself caught hooking up with some 30 year old floozy homewrecker news anchor. For your consideration:

I love love love that they caught him on hidden camera. Thank you Jesus, for the National Enquirer. So, in case you didn't know, Chris Hansen is an immensely popular meme on the net, probably due to the fact that TCAP was the first TV show to really use the internet in it's format. This event has caused a lulzwave so epical that it might drown Japan (too soon?) For your contemplation:

Sooo much moar after the break....

The Queen Of All Bitchy Mother-In-Laws Weighs In

Meet Heidi Withers (the cuteish one on the right). She is a british chick who is about to get married to this british guy Freddie Bourne (not pictured. He is prolly hiding in a cave to wait out this shitstorm). This would not be of any interest to us, America, except for the email Freddie's dear old mum (the haggard bitch on the left) sent to Heidi this weekend about her the 'lack of manners' that Heidi supposedly displayed at some dipshit weekend getaway somewhere in deepest, darkest Houndspool. Get a load of this (be forewarned, it is so filled with spite and british-y vitriol that it's almost tl;dr) :

It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.


Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you.

It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so.

Your behaviour on your visit to Devon during April was staggering in its uncouthness and lack of grace.

Unfortunately, this was not the first example of bad manners I have experienced from you.

If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste.

There are plenty of finishing schools around. You would be an ideal candidate for the Ladette to Lady television series.

Please, for your own good, for Freddie's sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something.

You do not remark that you do not have enough food.

You do not start before everyone else.

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms.

You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

I have no idea whether you wrote to thank [your future sister-in-law] for the weekend but you should have hand-written a card to her.

You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed at Houndspool.

[Your future sister-in-law] has quite the most exquisite manners of anyone I have ever come across. You would do well to follow her example.

You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.

It is tragic that you have diabetes. However, you aren't the only young person in the world who is a diabetic.

I know quite a few young people who have this condition, one of whom is getting married in June. I have never heard her discuss her condition.

She quietly gets on with it. She doesn't like being diabetic. Who would? You do not need to regale everyone with the details of your condition or use it as an excuse to draw attention to yourself. It is vulgar.

As a diabetic of long standing you must be acutely aware of the need to prepare yourself for extraordinary eventualities, the walk to Mothecombe beach being an example.

You are experienced enough to have prepared yourself appropriately.

No-one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.

OHHH SNAP! Is there any base she didn't cover? She basically says "You are a vulgar, broke-ass diabetic peasant bitch from a broke-ass family that eats and sleeps too much." It ends well, though. I pity Freddie as well, don't you?

Thank You For The Enlightenment, Coffee

Oh, Michelle

Gawker Interviews LulzSec

The deservedly world famous LuzSec PBS hack

The normally chanophobic Gawker has set aside its prejudices in the name of journalism today, interviewing an individual claiming to be one of the 'handful of hackers' that compromises the Anonymous splinter group. Apparently, they aren't worried about shit:

He's part of a group that claims to be behind the recent hack attacks against the CIA, U.S. Senate, Sony, Fox, and PBS. If caught, he could face years in prison. But when we chatted with a member of the notorious hacking collective Lulz Security last night, he said he's not worried about a thing.

On Tuesday, headlines blared that the "mastermind" behind the hacking group Lulz Security (or LulzSec for short) had been arrested in England, a 19-year-old named Ryan Cleary. Many assume that with Cleary behind bars and cooperating with police, it's only a matter of time before the rest of the members of the world's most-wanted hacking group fall, too.

But in a Skype chat last night, a leading member of Lulz Security who goes by the alias "Topiary" says his group—whose core is composed of just a handful of hackers—feels no more threatened than when they burst onto the scene in May with hacks of Fox.com and PBS.

Memewatch 2011 - Ching Chong Ling Long

Soooo, back in March a busty, blonde UCLA student named Alexandra Wallace uploaded a video that caused quite a stir on campus. Her lulzy attack on all things AZN ignited a firestorm and spawned a meme.




Now, of course, the natural thing to do when someone uploads a hateful, nasty video that offends you is to upload your own video of you being offended. After the above vid hit the tubes, this happened over 9000 times, and got very butthurt and boring. So in case you were wondering, this is how you reciprocate, Asian America:

Tokyo Electric Power VS. British Petroleum In A Gross Incompetence-off!!!

Let the debate begin! Which fucktarded energy company mishandled their self-inflicted 'disaster' with greater buffoonery, venery, finger pointing, and general total disregard for anyone or anything? (and if you think Tokyo Electric's nuclear accident wasn't self-inflicted, guess again -- they built it four and a half miles from one of the worlds most volatile faultlines. Brilliant. Was it because there no space left inside Mount Pinatubo?) Lets do a fun timeline...

Day 1 BP oil claims their platform blew up and they are leaking a small amount of oil. Their blowout preventer failed, and they just need to get it back online.

Day 1 Tokyo Electric claims that there is a small problem with their reactors. Their cooling pump malfunctioned, and they just need to get it back online.

Day 5 BP-News reports come out showing oil spewing all over the gulf killing sea animals, birds and slow-moving enviromentalists. They fail to get the blowout preventer online.

Day 5 TEP- New reports come out showing that their "small leak" is actually spewing radiation all over Japan, with reactors all over the plant leaking water, catching fire and blowing up. They fail to get the pumps online.

Day 7 BP- BP executive begin pumping sea water and heavy mud into the pipe in a failed attempt to stop the flow. BP execs admit they don't know what the fuck they're doing.

Day 7 TEP-Tokyo Electric begins pumping sea water into their reactors in an effort to cool them. The sea water leaks out or misses and the plan fails. Tokyo Electric execs admit they don't know what the fuck they're doing.

Day 13 BP- Tony whats-his-name proposes a "junk shot" shooting a bunch of shit into the pipe in a desperate to contain the oil. The plan is not approved, because it is stupid.

Day 13 TEP-Tokyo Electric proposes dumping a bunch of sand into the reactors in a desperate attempt to contain the radiation. The plan is not approved, because it is stupid.

Day 19 BP-Oil begins appearing all over the coasts and the leak is magnitudes worse than initially reported. The gulf coast is fucked for decades. Tens of billions of dollars are lost.

Day 19 TEP-Well, thats tomorrow, so who knows? Maybe some good news?