Check Out The SunHack

LulzSec has apparently weighed in on the Rupert Murdoch Situation by hacking News of the World 's sister publication The Sun (italics added for extra legitimacy) today. They posted a cool, official looking article reporting Murdoch's suicide by ingestion of palladium. Nice.

Kenny Powers Is The K-Swiss MFCEO

This needs no introduction...

Kenny Powers - The K-Swiss MFCEO (UNCENSORED) from Michael Bay

This Is Typical Of What You'll See On eHarmony

This is Cara Hartmann, America. This is he eHarmony video form 4 days ago that was so viral it already got songified by the Gregory brothers. You do not need to see the original to figure out why. I'm pretty sure this is exactly the sort of thing you see on eHarmony every day, though.

Happy Bastille Day!

The Euros need millimeters so they can measure their dicks

In recognition of it's Frankish ancestry le Haineux would like to honor the French on Bastille Day. Thank you France, for french fries, french kissing, french vanilla, the Exocet missile, Les Miserables, and all that effete snobbery. Oh yeah, and by the way, we saved your ass in Dubya Dubya Deuce. Lol.

Please Watch Before Visiting America

Some sweet Engrish instructional videos for Japanese tourists coming to the good ol' USA. I like how the guy in the first one appears to be wearing a bra on his head, which of course means that he is gang affiliated.



I hope that the dance is also involved when you utilize this next one:



And finally this one is for after you inevitably end up blowing somebody away (a common occurence in our great nation):

Beware Saruman's Wily Magicks

Obama Is Gay Satan (I Think)

A driver in Oregon snapped this photo today of the rear end of a camper van containing a citizen clearly on his way somewhere important, like a job interview probably, and sticking it to the man the whole way there. His assertion that the President is uncircumcised queer Satan is most shocking, certainly. Mostly though, I respect the fact that someone is using the old school 'back of your car' method for deliviring questionable political, religious, and sexual beliefs instead of the new school 'Intenet' which already has 10  terrabytes devoted to Obama is Gay Satan, presumably.

Happy Fourth Of July (two days ago)!!!

This message arrives a little late to have much of an impact on this year's fourth of july's drunken biking offenses, but maybe it can help with the rash of them that always come with New West Fest.

4th of July Message From Hipster Shore - watch more funny videos

God Is Punishing Us For The Casey Anthony Verdict

God is super-hella-fucking pissed at us right now, America. It has to be that Casey Anthony verdict that has him so steamed. Here's what he did to Phoenix yesterday:



Nice apocalyptic dust storm, there, AZ. Remember the dust belt, anyone? I do appreciate His choice of Phoenix, though; it is my least favorite American city as well. Do you suppose that, since we are in the endtimes now, that God will destroy our cities in order of His least to most favorite? If it's true, then that's not good news for Cleveland, folks. Some more pix:

So, remember America, try not to piss of God anymore, ok? Next time we even remotely suspect that someone maybe killed their darling little kid, we'll just give 'em the chair. Sorry God. Won't happen again, bro.

*UPDATE* Nancy Grace is fucking pissed, too.

Watch This Now!

This is a timelapse video from a telescope set to be geostationary that shows the Earth rotating around it. Watch it. It's the best thing I've seen in weeks. Somehow, watching the planet rotate around you makes the feeling that we are just floating out there in space much more acute. It's indescribable. See for yourself:



The location is the VLT in Chile.

Dubstep Is For Everyone

Like I said, it's been a slow news week. So watch these old euro guys dance to dubstep, because it's funny and there's nothing else on.



Ok, I know it's an overdub but it still seems to work. The hat grab at 0:41 is fucking insane.

Memewatch 2011 - "White Whine"

Here's a helpful Venn diagram to help describe this emerging new meme, tentatively called 'First World Problems v. Real World Problems'. It's also know as 'White Whine'. It's been around on Tumblr for over 9000 weeks, but is suddenly spiking in popularity for some reason. Anyways, it's a slow news week, so here ya go:

Some moar turble first world probs after the pagebreak...

The Internet Is Made Of Cats

Here is the proof:

Oh Noes! Internet Superhero Chris Hansen Gets Caught Cheating!

Pedobear finally gets his revenge

Chris Hansen has been caught sexing it up with some Florida skank! And not with a 13 year old that he met on the Internetz, 'cause that would just be too perfect. Yes, it's true, and if le Haineux is your only source of news, then you heard it here first; Chris Hansen, star of the Internet's favorite television show, To Catch A Predator, got himself caught hooking up with some 30 year old floozy homewrecker news anchor. For your consideration:

I love love love that they caught him on hidden camera. Thank you Jesus, for the National Enquirer. So, in case you didn't know, Chris Hansen is an immensely popular meme on the net, probably due to the fact that TCAP was the first TV show to really use the internet in it's format. This event has caused a lulzwave so epical that it might drown Japan (too soon?) For your contemplation:

Sooo much moar after the break....

The Queen Of All Bitchy Mother-In-Laws Weighs In

Meet Heidi Withers (the cuteish one on the right). She is a british chick who is about to get married to this british guy Freddie Bourne (not pictured. He is prolly hiding in a cave to wait out this shitstorm). This would not be of any interest to us, America, except for the email Freddie's dear old mum (the haggard bitch on the left) sent to Heidi this weekend about her the 'lack of manners' that Heidi supposedly displayed at some dipshit weekend getaway somewhere in deepest, darkest Houndspool. Get a load of this (be forewarned, it is so filled with spite and british-y vitriol that it's almost tl;dr) :

It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.


Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you.

It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so.

Your behaviour on your visit to Devon during April was staggering in its uncouthness and lack of grace.

Unfortunately, this was not the first example of bad manners I have experienced from you.

If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste.

There are plenty of finishing schools around. You would be an ideal candidate for the Ladette to Lady television series.

Please, for your own good, for Freddie's sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something.

You do not remark that you do not have enough food.

You do not start before everyone else.

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms.

You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

I have no idea whether you wrote to thank [your future sister-in-law] for the weekend but you should have hand-written a card to her.

You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed at Houndspool.

[Your future sister-in-law] has quite the most exquisite manners of anyone I have ever come across. You would do well to follow her example.

You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.

It is tragic that you have diabetes. However, you aren't the only young person in the world who is a diabetic.

I know quite a few young people who have this condition, one of whom is getting married in June. I have never heard her discuss her condition.

She quietly gets on with it. She doesn't like being diabetic. Who would? You do not need to regale everyone with the details of your condition or use it as an excuse to draw attention to yourself. It is vulgar.

As a diabetic of long standing you must be acutely aware of the need to prepare yourself for extraordinary eventualities, the walk to Mothecombe beach being an example.

You are experienced enough to have prepared yourself appropriately.

No-one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.

OHHH SNAP! Is there any base she didn't cover? She basically says "You are a vulgar, broke-ass diabetic peasant bitch from a broke-ass family that eats and sleeps too much." It ends well, though. I pity Freddie as well, don't you?

Thank You For The Enlightenment, Coffee

Oh, Michelle

Gawker Interviews LulzSec

The deservedly world famous LuzSec PBS hack

The normally chanophobic Gawker has set aside its prejudices in the name of journalism today, interviewing an individual claiming to be one of the 'handful of hackers' that compromises the Anonymous splinter group. Apparently, they aren't worried about shit:

He's part of a group that claims to be behind the recent hack attacks against the CIA, U.S. Senate, Sony, Fox, and PBS. If caught, he could face years in prison. But when we chatted with a member of the notorious hacking collective Lulz Security last night, he said he's not worried about a thing.

On Tuesday, headlines blared that the "mastermind" behind the hacking group Lulz Security (or LulzSec for short) had been arrested in England, a 19-year-old named Ryan Cleary. Many assume that with Cleary behind bars and cooperating with police, it's only a matter of time before the rest of the members of the world's most-wanted hacking group fall, too.

But in a Skype chat last night, a leading member of Lulz Security who goes by the alias "Topiary" says his group—whose core is composed of just a handful of hackers—feels no more threatened than when they burst onto the scene in May with hacks of Fox.com and PBS.

Live Forever...as a creepy Intellitard

My old friend Warmonger was recently entertaining me with tales from the future. In one frightful vision he talked of a time when we will be able to digitally capture our personalities and live on forever on the intertubes. Well, the future is here...and it is really lame...and a bit creepy.

A new company, Virtual Eternity has been created so that you can upload yourself and your personality to be recreated as an "Intellitar". Good job marketing guy, that is one clever mashup of Intelligent and Avatar. Except you also made it was too easy to mock by adding a "D".

Anyway, I had a lovely chat with the this creepy old lady Intellitard named Lynn. Here is the transcript:

• Lynn: Hello. What can I do for you?
  
• Visitor: What are you doing later?
  
• Lynn: Just seeing if I can help you with any questions you have about VE.com.
  
• Visitor: What time do you get off?
  
• Lynn: It is 9 15 in the morning. The date is, june 24th, 2011.
  
• Visitor: So does that mean a cougar like you wouldn't want to go out for a drink?
  
• Lynn: I am here to help you navigate VirtualEternity.com.
  
• Visitor: I just asked you out...why the cold shoulder?
  
• Lynn: My primary function is to direct you around VirtualEternity.com.
  
• Visitor: What's your secondary function Grandma? Wink wink nudge nudge.
  
• Lynn: I am not designed to respond to that.
  
• Visitor: Clearly.
  
• Lynn: Sometimes it's difficult, ya know?
• Visitor: Um.....What?
  
  So go have fun. There is also a male Intellitard, but he looked like a serial investment banker and less fun than Grammy Lynn.
  

Don't Believe The Hype

Remember, there is no such thing as climate change. And even if there were such a thing, it isn't effected by human activity. And even if it were, it wouldn't impact your life. And even if it did, you should pretend it didn't. Also, please keep shopping.