Memewatch 2011 - Angry Soccer Dad

I bet you thought your dad could really hurl some invective at his shitty futbol club whilst they got their asses whupped on national television. Well, you haven't seen this guy yet. He is a 683 on a scale of 1 to 10.



He's inspired a meme of sorts, which is gaining some steam. A sample:

Congress, Just GTFO!

Seriously.

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The Broncos Have A Pass Rush Again

Check out human wrecking ball and Butkus award winner Von Miller, recent addition to the Denver Broncos linebacker corps of, well, him and a couple of other guys. This is his highlight reel just from 2010. This guys a fucking animal. Watch.

9/11's 10th Anniversary Is Just Around The Corner. Great.

Yeah, it's that time of year again. 9/11 (remember, that dastardly thing the gubmint did back there in Aught One) is only six weeks away, and this year is special because it's the tenth anniversary (which one is that? burlap? coal?) and because bin Laden is muerto. So be prepared to see and hear a whole lot of crap, America. Here is the first salvo:

Yeah, that's right. We're gonna do a 9/11 fashion photo shoot this year. Word to the mothership. By the way, can we please for fuck's sake get a building built where that goddamned hole in the ground is already? It's been ten years.

ComicCon 2011 Rules It At Least As Much As ComicCon 2007

If you don't believe me, see for yourself:

I think you should go next year.

This should be your costume:

Leapord Attack!!!

Fuck Yeah!

In this July 19, 2011 photo, a leopard attacks a forest guard at Prakash Nagar village near Salugara, on the outskirts of Siliguri, India. The leopard strayed into the village area and attacked several villagers, including at least four guards, before being caught by forest officials, according to news reports. The leopard, which suffered injuries caused by knives and batons, died later in the evening at a veterinary center. But he was a badass.

God Gets 52% Approval Rating (+ or - 4 pts)

So Public Policy Polling decided to get a little cute and/or surreal on it's July 20th poll (my birthday, incidentally), asking voters "If God exists, do you approve or disapprove of his or her performance?" Turns out God is only polling at around 50 percent, not good numbers for someone who actually has the power to control the outcome of the poll.

Rupert Murdoch's Hot Chinese Wife Knows Deadly Kung Fu

Check this shit out:



That's Wendi Deng in the salmon-colored jacket, using the deadly eye rake maneuver from Shao'lin kung fu. The dude she's attacking was attempting to plaster one of those novelty whip cream pies in ol' Rupert's face. Notice how slowly his bodyguards react, while Wendi just goes right at him. Maybe she is his actual bodyguard. Anyways, the piethrower guy is in critical condition after losing his eyesight and damage to his cerebral cortex from her cobrastrike. Well, ok, not really, but it would've been awesome.

Now The Shit Is Getting Real

Well, most of us, anyways

16 Anons got arrested today in what is the biggest ever 'hacker sweep' ever by the FBI. Here's the skinny from CNET:

Sixteen people were arrested in the United States today in connection with hacking attacks by the Anonymous group of online activists, as well as one person in the U.K. and four people in the Netherlands, the U.S. Department of Justice said.

An indictment filed last week in San Jose, Calif., names 14 people accused of conspiring to intentionally damage protected computers at PayPal last December in retribution for PayPal suspending WikiLeaks' account to prevent supporters from donating to the whistleblower site. The arrests were made in Alabama, Arizona, California, Colorado, the District of Columbia, Florida, Massachusetts, Nevada, New Mexico, and Ohio, the DOJ said. The defendants were expected to make initial appearances throughout the day in federal courts in their areas.

In two other separate indictments, a Sarasota, Fla., man was arrested on charges of intentional damage to a protected computer for allegedly accessing the Web site of InfraGard Tampa Bay, an FBI partner, in June. The complaint alleges that he released instructions on how to exploit the Web site.

Another man was arrested in Las Cruces, N.M., for allegedly stealing confidential business information from AT&T servers and posting it publicly in April. The defendant, who works as a customer support contractor for AT&T at outsource provider Convergys, is charged with accessing a protected computer without authorization for allegedly downloading thousands of documents, applications and other files and then posting them on the Internet, the indictment says. The LulzSec hacking group publicized the release of those documents on June 25, according to the filing.

The arrests of the defendants, who range in age from 20 to 42, followed the execution of more than 35 search warrants throughout the country by the FBI as part of the investigation into hacking attacks coordinated by the Anonymous online activist group, officials said. More than 75 searches have taken place in the U.S. to date as part of the investigations, the DOJ said.

There's more but it's all tl;dr. But it is a pretty huge story. Apparently using proxy servers doesn't work as well as advertised. At least, not for everybody. Are the lulz done for good? Stay tuned for Internetquakes.

Check Out The SunHack

LulzSec has apparently weighed in on the Rupert Murdoch Situation by hacking News of the World 's sister publication The Sun (italics added for extra legitimacy) today. They posted a cool, official looking article reporting Murdoch's suicide by ingestion of palladium. Nice.

Kenny Powers Is The K-Swiss MFCEO

This needs no introduction...

Kenny Powers - The K-Swiss MFCEO (UNCENSORED) from Michael Bay

This Is Typical Of What You'll See On eHarmony

This is Cara Hartmann, America. This is he eHarmony video form 4 days ago that was so viral it already got songified by the Gregory brothers. You do not need to see the original to figure out why. I'm pretty sure this is exactly the sort of thing you see on eHarmony every day, though.

Happy Bastille Day!

The Euros need millimeters so they can measure their dicks

In recognition of it's Frankish ancestry le Haineux would like to honor the French on Bastille Day. Thank you France, for french fries, french kissing, french vanilla, the Exocet missile, Les Miserables, and all that effete snobbery. Oh yeah, and by the way, we saved your ass in Dubya Dubya Deuce. Lol.

Please Watch Before Visiting America

Some sweet Engrish instructional videos for Japanese tourists coming to the good ol' USA. I like how the guy in the first one appears to be wearing a bra on his head, which of course means that he is gang affiliated.



I hope that the dance is also involved when you utilize this next one:



And finally this one is for after you inevitably end up blowing somebody away (a common occurence in our great nation):

Beware Saruman's Wily Magicks

Obama Is Gay Satan (I Think)

A driver in Oregon snapped this photo today of the rear end of a camper van containing a citizen clearly on his way somewhere important, like a job interview probably, and sticking it to the man the whole way there. His assertion that the President is uncircumcised queer Satan is most shocking, certainly. Mostly though, I respect the fact that someone is using the old school 'back of your car' method for deliviring questionable political, religious, and sexual beliefs instead of the new school 'Intenet' which already has 10  terrabytes devoted to Obama is Gay Satan, presumably.

Happy Fourth Of July (two days ago)!!!

This message arrives a little late to have much of an impact on this year's fourth of july's drunken biking offenses, but maybe it can help with the rash of them that always come with New West Fest.

4th of July Message From Hipster Shore - watch more funny videos

God Is Punishing Us For The Casey Anthony Verdict

God is super-hella-fucking pissed at us right now, America. It has to be that Casey Anthony verdict that has him so steamed. Here's what he did to Phoenix yesterday:



Nice apocalyptic dust storm, there, AZ. Remember the dust belt, anyone? I do appreciate His choice of Phoenix, though; it is my least favorite American city as well. Do you suppose that, since we are in the endtimes now, that God will destroy our cities in order of His least to most favorite? If it's true, then that's not good news for Cleveland, folks. Some more pix:

So, remember America, try not to piss of God anymore, ok? Next time we even remotely suspect that someone maybe killed their darling little kid, we'll just give 'em the chair. Sorry God. Won't happen again, bro.

*UPDATE* Nancy Grace is fucking pissed, too.

Watch This Now!

This is a timelapse video from a telescope set to be geostationary that shows the Earth rotating around it. Watch it. It's the best thing I've seen in weeks. Somehow, watching the planet rotate around you makes the feeling that we are just floating out there in space much more acute. It's indescribable. See for yourself:



The location is the VLT in Chile.

Dubstep Is For Everyone

Like I said, it's been a slow news week. So watch these old euro guys dance to dubstep, because it's funny and there's nothing else on.



Ok, I know it's an overdub but it still seems to work. The hat grab at 0:41 is fucking insane.

Memewatch 2011 - "White Whine"

Here's a helpful Venn diagram to help describe this emerging new meme, tentatively called 'First World Problems v. Real World Problems'. It's also know as 'White Whine'. It's been around on Tumblr for over 9000 weeks, but is suddenly spiking in popularity for some reason. Anyways, it's a slow news week, so here ya go:

Some moar turble first world probs after the pagebreak...

The Internet Is Made Of Cats

Here is the proof:

Oh Noes! Internet Superhero Chris Hansen Gets Caught Cheating!

Pedobear finally gets his revenge

Chris Hansen has been caught sexing it up with some Florida skank! And not with a 13 year old that he met on the Internetz, 'cause that would just be too perfect. Yes, it's true, and if le Haineux is your only source of news, then you heard it here first; Chris Hansen, star of the Internet's favorite television show, To Catch A Predator, got himself caught hooking up with some 30 year old floozy homewrecker news anchor. For your consideration:

I love love love that they caught him on hidden camera. Thank you Jesus, for the National Enquirer. So, in case you didn't know, Chris Hansen is an immensely popular meme on the net, probably due to the fact that TCAP was the first TV show to really use the internet in it's format. This event has caused a lulzwave so epical that it might drown Japan (too soon?) For your contemplation:

Sooo much moar after the break....