So far, the best thing that Le Haineux has witnessed in the Great Wisconsin Clusterfuck of 2011 is the prank call that Ian Murphy of the Buffalo Beast made to Governor Douche Rocket Scott Walker. In it, Murphy pretends to be Tea Bagger Money Man David Koch, somehow gets past everybody who's job it is to make sure that something exactly like this doesn't happen, and then proceeds to get Walker to admit to considering planting agents provocateur amongst the protesters, that he think's he's Ronald Reagan, and that Mika Brzezenski is hot piece of MSNBC ass. Aside from being really funny and basically proving beyond a doubt that Scott Walker is exactly the flaming fuckhole that Le Haineux thought he was, what was so great about this prank call was that it reminded me of what that James O'Keefe creep pulled at Acorn, only unedited. But it brings me to my larger point, which is: If you want to beat Republicans, take a page out of their book. I'm serious. Whenever anything goes wrong for our side, we march, we protest, we bang on plastic buckets, we stink up the capitol building with patchouli, and we hope for the best. It's cute and sad at the same time, like looking at a baby seal with an inoperable brain tumor. So, Le Haineux has (so that you don't have to, dearest reader) slogged through the mire that is the conservative internet looking for tactics that they use when they are disenfranchised, because what they do almost always works, and what we do is generally just mildly embarassing.
**UPDATE**
In respone to Mr. Murphy's awesomeness, the Wisconsin state legislature has now introduced a bill to make it illegal to prank call somebody. Touche.
1. SUE, SUE, SUE
It is Le Haineux's understanding from 8th Grade Civics that the courts exist as a check (and a balance!) against a state gubmint's free-wheeling, unfettered attacks on it's citizenry's legally guaranteed rights. While Le Haineux was unable to find a specific Wisconsin statute that is being violated (actually I only spent about 15 minutes trying, because, like, that shit is hard to understand and Le Haineux is, at best, a mediocre lawyer), surely somebody out there should be looking for legal challenges to this mess. Trust me, it's the first thing that they would do. As of this writing, the only legal challenges brought to bear (badger?) have been to keep the capitol building open so the noisy, idiotic, pointless protest can continue.
2. RECALL, RECALL, RECALL
Apparently, stupid Wisconsin has some fucked up law that says that you can't recall any of your duly appointed representatives until after 2 years, even if you elect a governor that most of the time looks like he was up all night huffing Scotchgard. While this situation totally sucks, Le Haineux was able to establish that if you can recall just 3 of the Republicans in the state senate (there are currently 9 that have served 2 years or more) then you can cancel their majority and Scott Walker is effectively powerless for the next 4 years (take that, you neo-Ronald Reagan butt plug). This process takes 60 days and involves a bunch of petitions and special elections and shit, but it would work better than making hippies and teachers and hippie teachers stand around in the butt-ass cold.
**UPDATE**
Ok, so Wisconsin Democrats are already in the process of doing this. Um, good job.
3. FEARMONGER, FEARMONGER, FEARMONGER
Paint a picture for everyone. This picture should include pedophile teachers, crippled fireman, and junkie cops. Why? Because if you take away any incentive for bright, energetic, competent people to fill these (utterly necessary to the fabric of our society) jobs, that is what you are going to get (hyperbollically speaking, anyways, but you get my point). Scare the crap out of 'em. We need a Glenn Beck to draw this shit on a chalkboard for stupid people, so that they get it.
4. AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS, SHOOT SCOTT WALKER IN THE FACE WITH A GUN UNTIL HE IS DEAD
Yeah, I said it. I know our side isn't supposed to talk like this, and assuming anyone ever reads this, there will be some righteous liberal indignation (I'm thinking of you, Nels). But from a purely pragmatic stance, this is really the best solution. It's the quickest (takes about 2 seconds), the cheapest (costs about 50 cents), and the most effective (obviously). The only drawback is the potential for martyrdom and shit, but I say let's just cross that bridge if we come to it. Fear not, dear reader, Le Haineux has no problem being the morally bankrupt dickhead that the liberal blogosphere so desperately needs. Plus, if this actually happens because some psycho reads this post and then carries out my diabolical, illegal-as-fuck, and generally mean-spirited plan, then you can bet my readership will expand well beyond it's current realm of zero. So Le Haineux has a personal investment in this, as I'm sure you can understand. As for the legal ramifications, as previoulsy mentioned, Le Haineux sucks at law, and so would appreciate any genuine legal advice on this matter. Is it illegal to suggest that someone be shot? I mean, this isn't like Sarah Palin putting a crosshairs on that Arizona lady, I am actually espousing the mafia-style, closed casket execution of a public figure. So get back to me.
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