Stop The Lying On The Interwebs!

'Hear Hear'! Or is it 'Here Here'? Whatever. Lets all promise right now not to lie about ourselves on the Interwebs anymore. That means, no more using fucked up camera angles to make ourselves look like we aren't hideous, or fabricating information about our incomes/accomplishments/penissizes, or photoshopping our faces onto Justin Timberlake/Scarlett Johannsen's body for Match.com, or bamboozling eachother into buying worthless products or services that we wouldn't need even if they did work. You get my point. But then again, who am I kidding? You have to lie. If you didn't, everyone would know the truth:

You are a worthless waste of air, which is why — at this precise point in the space time continuum — you are reading this sentence. You think you should be doing something more productive, but for some reason, you aren't. You think your taste in music matters. You are a Cockblocker. You've seen every episode of Star Wars multiple times. You think playing video games makes you "alternative." You "spontaneously" quote Family Guy, "The Hangover" and Monty Python. You installed Linux on a partition (you think, anyway) because it seemed vaguely counter-cultural. You write articles like this one. Pretty much every human being you attended High School with remembers you only as, "that fat kid." You wear a fucking fedora in public and believe this makes the world a more whimsical place. You went to a second-tier state college and joined the Roleplaying club on the first day of orientation. You watch anime but insist you're not a fanboy. You quote memes at parties and then laugh alone, awkwardly. You own at least one cape which you wear "ironically" to comic conventions. You drive a 1990's Civic with crumbs on the floor and an "I roll 20's" bumper sticker. You've pretty much been a giant faggot ever since that one time in bible camp. You write long posts in the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist but never get responses. You have never had sex and are Love Shy. You are a 15 - 35 year old liberal thinking atheist. You think people shouldn't judge you based on your meager accomplishments because you "could have done better if you tried". You collect Plastic Crap. You hover around the edges of your social group, grasping at straws of approval. You get your ideas and arguments from blogs. You don't get invited, you tag along, which to you is a less offensive way to say crash. You like to tell yourself you "only date nerds because they understand" you, but then masturbate to 10's who wouldn't even waste the breath to tell you to fuck off if you approached one of them in a bar. You sit at your desk daydreaming about which X-Men power you want, while your peers are building the world in their image. You fail it, where it = ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. Seriously, fuck you.

Actually, I was just looking for an excuse to post that awesome rant. Thanks to ED for letting me plage it. But, on a serious note, if any of this applies to you, please kill yourself.