Newt's Hard-on For America

Possible presidential pariah Newt Gingrich is covered by the online version of the New York magazine explaining why he cheated on his past two wives. Boy, he sure is creative...isn't he? Not so much, if you already can't stand this conservative cable news wind-bag. Newt expands on his affairs in religious terms by stating, "I found that I felt compelled to seek God's forgiveness. Not God's understanding, but his forgiveness." Now, if we could just get Newt and his lemming-like followers to all jump off the "cliff of hypocrisy" at the same time. Oh wait. Never mind. They already have when it comes to anybody who disagrees or anybody who thinks like that Fascist pinko-commie fag who lives down the street. Any forgiveness for Homosexuals from Newt and his ilk? Doubt it...unless they're closeted, from Idaho, and can do the toe-tap dance with a airport policeman in a bathroom stall.

The absolute slam-dunk (or should I say,"Slam-bunk"?) here from Newt is this money quote, "There's no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate." No shit Newt. Let's put emphasis on "hard" as well. Shall we? However, many men have been partially driven to jerk-off everyday, but they still keep their dicks in their pants when they get to work. Obviously, this statement from Newt should be seperated into two very distinct and independent clauses. But, when you have a Chrisitian southern coalition behind you why should you make any fucking sense? You don't. Just keep on bullshitting, and lead your pack of lemmings over the cliff Newt. This is why you're hated you little Monchichi look-a-like, and why it's probably a fantastic idea if you run for President. Jump, you pudgy little fucker!